Bites, Camera, Fashion: Bites, Camera, Fashion is a column from Davey McNelly, who is disabled, likes films and makes poor choices while trying to simplify his life.
This will be a two-part movie review, so buckle up.
Summer in Athens can feel like a re-creation of summer camp. Sleeping outside in tents at the various festivals. Flirting. Making new best friends. Having events that everyone can come to. Standing or dancing in circles a lot. And some of your friends are the musicians up on stage and making the food.
And a piece of advice to all you weary festers out there: Pick friends who make the best snack plates.
Bites
I saw the film “Thelma” at the Athena Cinema with a group of people. Tessa brought a smorgasbord of options; fresh-baked bread, mozzarella, pickled beets and carrots, and sauerkraut were some highlights. To top it off, she also brought fine crockery to eat from. We had a high-class picnic in what should be the ADA accessible seating area.
The Athena also has mixed drinks now that are somewhere under the counter in a Hydro Flask. Mine was green and sour and paired well not only with the snack plate but also the Baby Philly Burrito from Big Momma’s that I had as my entree at the theater. Big Momma’s is convenient because it is so close and no one is ever in there before 10 p.m. It used to be a great deal. With inflation, it is no longer a great deal. I wish they made an even smaller infant burrito and kept the prices the same. But I’m a sucker for sour cream paired with cheese sauce, hot sauce and rice.
At the Nicholas Cage movie “Longlegs,” I had some banana bread from Dandelion, whom I had given a care package for the passing of her rabbit Fievel (RIP) and brought home much better things than I brought. It was nutty, moist, and much better than everything else that Movies Ten had to offer.
Camera
“Thelma” is a summer action blockbuster that stars June Squibb, who plays 93-year-old Thelma Post. Thelma is phone-scammed out of a decent amount of money. She is at first befuddled. The police, of course, are no help (just a side note here — the police are never any help in movies, so why do people think they are helpful in real life? Even in movies where there is one helpful police, all the other police are corrupt. This should make us think.).
So she does what anyone would do: She steals a mobility scooter from her friend at the nursing home and tracks down the scammers. It’s brilliant, funny, and fast-paced in a slow way. While the tension builds, we realize mobility scooters are not that fast, and need to be re-charged. Squibb plays the character as part Tom Cruise, part Jewish grandma, and part Liam Neeson. Instead of helicopters getting smashed out of the sky, the action sequences are the bad guys tripping over vintage lamps. This is a must-see summer film, and I want more of them.
The film has excellent performances by Fred Hechinger as her doting grandson and Richard Roundtree as a longtime friend and accomplice.
“Longlegs” is new Nicholas Cage. Remember how in my first column I said I didn’t like box office movies? I lied. I love Nicholas Cage. I love him gesticulating wildly like a drunk spider. I love him saying things five decibel levels higher than needed. And I love big budget movies that are bad.
And that’s what I was expecting. He has been in a smattering of movies where he is only in the film for 5 to 10 minutes despite having top billing. But for those few minutes he goes into all out Nic Cage mode.
Unfortunately, “Longlegs” is a classic Satanic panic film, with a young FBI agent being dragged further and further into a case that ends up being closer to home than she would like. And this is the main reason I think the movie misses the mark (along with the acting being too good for it to be laughable). Why is everyone against Satan? Has no one read “Paradise Lost”? He’s not actually that bad of a guy. The devil, just like humans, has choices to make, unlike the other angels.
Nic Cage, to paraphrase, has decided ‘tis better to make hellish movies than to not be rich. I recommend skipping this movie and rewatch “National Treasure” I, II, and III, which are a heavenly hell.
Side note: The drag name of these films put together is Thelma Longlegs.
Fashion
As you can see from the photo, I am holding an actual fancy plate at the theater, about to drink my lime green beverage, and have my baby burrito on my lap. I placed a napkin over myself and did not spill even a drop. Thanks to my neighbor Carol for taking the photo.
Accessibility note: To come up to ADA code, all the theater would need to do is put a sign on the wall behind me designating it an ADA seating area. It would reduce confusion among patrons and theater management alike.
Additional accessibility note: Although Ohio University has not yet fixed accessibility at the Athena, they did take down that terrible bush that blocked the sidewalk by the Alumni Gate. Well done!
Additional additional accessibility note: Nelsonville Music Festival improved significantly in accessibility this year, from adding accessible port-a-potties to increasing signage and having actual people assigned to consult and manage accessibility. Well done again!
