Bites, Camera, Fashion: Bites, Camera, Fashion is a column from Davey McNelly, who is disabled, likes films and makes poor choices while trying to simplify his life.
I saw “Anora,” but will not be reviewing it
Why? Because it’s a film about a sex worker confronted with oligarchy told through a male gaze. It’s just not that good, and barely passes the Bechdel test, although the soundtrack has some bangers. So instead I’m going to review a family-friendly movie and tell you a funny story. And a sad story.
Bites
At least once a week I stop by Athens Bread Company, purveyor of fine doughs. I get three pain au chocolat, aka chocolate croissants: one for my partner, one for the kids to split, and one for ol’ Davey.
The last time I was at ABC, the owner leaned over and said with a conspiratorial grin that he liked my film reviews. I’m always surprised that people read these. So I will say, Athens Bread Company provides our community something that it would otherwise sorely lack — classic french baguettes, airy focaccia, and the best olive oil cake in town (sorry, Village Bakery). I believe it’s very important to treat yourself, and your loved ones.
The chocolate croissant at ABC is, in my opinion, the best treat in town. However, if you find yourself in Columbus, and don’t mind spending $15 for something that should cost $4, Parable Coffee has the best chocolate croissants that I have ever had. (Disclaimer: I’ve never been outside the Americas.)
Camera
Do you have the same problem I do? No, not existential angst — the problem of having a weekly movie night with your kids for eight years straight.
We ran out of good family movies to watch years ago. You name it, my kids will say they’ve already seen it and one won’t want to watch it again. They are 10 and 13 years old now, so they are almost ready to watch R-rated films. But family-friendly movies are still the preference for most of us.
So instead of “Anora,” I will be reviewing the 1994 cult classic “The Secret of Roan Inish,” directed by John Sayles and starring no famous actors.
Yes, this is another Irish film. It didn’t have a wide theatrical release in the United States. A friend recommended it as their favorite childhood film. Why not give it a shot?
I don’t want to ruin the plot for you, other than to mention that it’s a very Irish folktale about selkies. I will provide more info on selkies later in the review.
Here’s the thing: The world is small. Absurdly small, if you open yourself up to it. I love to find the connections amongst people and places. If you notice them all, time can start to slow down, and life is a bit more enjoyable.
In Roan Inish, Baby Jimmy sits in a crib in the ocean with his loving family, including his big sister. Believe it or not, the ocean decides to take the baby away, aided by seagulls and seals.
I hope the ocean never steals a family member (I write as my kids are on their way to visit my parents in South Carolina for spring break). But if you do, let it happen through caring wildlife.
The family decides to move completely away from their island to the mainland. They are less happy. But the sister keeps returning, and begins to see seals watching her every move. She goes back to her childhood home to find that someone has been living in it! And she sees a boy, who should be about the age of her brother, hanging out with seals and floating about on his baby crib.
As any good sister would do, she enlists a cousin and they go about fixing up the homestead, using traditional thatching and plastering practices. (If only they had Beats headphones in 1946, she could be bumping Kneecap rapping in Gaelic.)
Little Jimmy, having been raised by seals, doesn’t wear clothing. He bolts around naked while his anemic sister tries (and fails) to chase him. He is protected by selkies — seals who can shed their skin and become human. In fact, maybe other family members have been selkies, too!
I have now seen two movies about selkies, including “Song of the Sea,” which has delightful animation. I refuse to see Colin Farrell’s “Ondine,” as it has a disabled character who is played by someone who isn’t actually disabled.
“Roan Inish” is thoroughly enjoyable, true to its Irish roots, and fun to watch with the family as we nestle up against St. Patrick’s Day.
So here’s the funny story:
As anyone would these days, I decided to see if the naked child actor did anything else in film after such an auspicious start. I typed “Cillian Byrne” into Instagram, and there he was! Some people look just like they did when they were a baby. It’s uncanny. Like g-d just took the baby’s face and put it on an adult man. And Cillian is that baby/man. He’s a good looking man/baby, which I would say even if I wasn’t planning to send him this review.
So I clicked on the messages part of Instagram, sent him one, and he responded immediately, with a thumbs up, a note that he was “out on the piss,” and photos of himself out with his mates at a pub.
Brilliant, right? I will always be the one to get to know the person answering the corporate helpline, flight attendant, or child actor. I hope we become friends, Cillian. And just remember: A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met on the internet yet.
Fashion
I was at the Label Shopper after another disappointing visit to the DMV (where I had to pay $30 for disability parking placards) and found a “red dot deal” for a pullover fleece jacket. The cost was $3.50, less than a chocolate croissant!
While I was shopping, three Athens City police officers showed up and arrested a woman for shoplifting. I asked the cashier what she had shoplifted, and they said a pair of tights that cost $1.50. I tried to intervene, offering to buy everyone involved cupcakes across the hall at Bakery 323 (try them out!) and suggested she could walk away with a warning. Unfortunately, she was taken out to the squad car by this point.
Obviously, no one should be arrested for taking a pair of pants when they need it. For situations like these, I hope our society finds another way. I’m not saying that shoplifting isn’t an issue for local businesses that have a tight bottom line, but there has to be a better solution. So that’s my sad story.
I hope this column has given you a moment to slow down, to notice the connections around you, and a moment of joy in hard times. We have to keep looking for them.
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