Bites, Camera, Fashion: ‘Honey, Don’t!’: Gay cops, con men and gore

Bites, Camera, Fashion is a column from Davey McNelly, who is disabled, likes films and makes poor choices while trying to simplify his life. 

How are you? I almost forgot to write this column, and have had limited time due to, you know, life. But I’ve been saved by refusing to go to the Ohio Pawpaw Festival! It’s my big “no” of the year, saying no to judging the annual cook-off. 

After seven years of judging, I am not sure I can eat another pawpaw pie or drink another pawpaw wine. Despite alcohol judging giving me permission to overindulge in alcohol at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning, and then take a nap in the field, the negatives outweigh the positives, at least for this year. I hope you can say “no” to something you no longer enjoy this year. There’s still time for your New Year’s resolutions.

Bites

By the time we got to the movie, we had already eaten and we were there five minutes early so like any good movie-goer, we stopped by the conveniently placed CVS in Uptown Athens to purchase our snacks. The issue is that the movie snacks in Athens are reasonably priced, while the CVS Uptown price gouges on college students and is somewhat expensive. Still, there is more selection in the CVS. And both are preferable to paying $60 for a pawpaw festival ticket to have the honor of paying $10 for French fries doused in a pawpaw BBQ sauce.

Camera

One of the Coen brothers (Ethan) and his gay wife (Tricia Cooke) are making a trilogy of lesbian C-movies. Because why not? This is the second of the three, and “Honey Don’t!” is much better than “Drive Away Dolls.”

Do I like the Coen Brothers? Not particularly. For me, “No Country for Old Men” was a little over the top. And the movie about the hats? Sure, I like movies about ideas. But I often think their movies tilt towards style without substance, with the notable exception of “The Big Lebowski.” It has a plot, clear desire and actors who sink into their roles.

“Honey Don’t!” is a mix. Charlie Day is a delight as the precinct captain, who can’t stop hitting on the gay Margaret Qualley, who is our heroine. She plays a private eye named Honey O’Donahue. Qualley is a lip-biting, heavy drinking one-liner in motion, who has a lot of one night stands. She is impervious to harm and never seems in danger. 

Aubrey Plaza is an actor with depth. Here, she plays a cop who works in records. Without her trademark eye makeup and with an ill-fitting uniform, she is believable as MG Falcone, a no-nonsense butch with terrible bangs.

There are a lot of scammers out there in the desert. But this is America. We expect frauds. Chris Evans, while it seems like he’s having fun playing a con man preacher with a voracious sexual appetite, doesn’t fit the bill. There’s no depth or seediness in his acting. The character would much better be played by Nicolas Cage 40 years ago. This may be my only approved use of AI: to insert Nicolas Cage into movies.

The twist at the end, while surprising, is less emotional than it should’ve been. And it’s grotesquely violent enough that I had to turn away multiple times. The Athena Cinema doesn’t have many patrons and my partner isn’t into violent films. So I often found myself saying things like, “Eww … Yeah, still running him over … Wait, still going,” while she had her face buried in my shoulder. The movie would have been better if the violence occurred more off screen.

And I don’t think it’s a spoiler when I say: Never trust a cop.

While there are enough scenes to warrant seeing the movie if you like the Coen brothers, I do think the movie could have been better about delving into the characters more. What are we trying to explore? What’s important in this movie that hasn’t been told? Is the third time the charm for Coen and Cooke?

Fashion

We’re having a small warm snap before it gets cold again — if you have a mobility disability, check out the beach wheelchair available at the boathouse at Strouds Run State Park. One thing I’m definitely saying yes to before it gets too cold is having a friend paddle me around in a kayak while I lounge in the beach chair, tethered by a rope. 

It’s always hard for me when the weather starts to get cold. I am a summer person. And I’m not sure that I want to have my traditional ironic Thanksgiving-themed birthday this year. But I’ve got my sweaters ready and repaired, and am ready to say “no” to more, while I read a book by the woodstove.