Bites, Camera, Fashion: Knives and more knives

Bites, Camera, Fashion is a column from Davey McNelly, who is disabled, likes films and makes poor choices while trying to simplify his life. 

I had a December to remember, as the commercials say, or at least one to disassociate away. I had a surgery to take out kidney stones, called percutaneous necrolithotomy, which basically means that a Swedish doctor named Bodo drilled a hole through my back into my kidneys, and then lasered and drilled the stones out of me, using a tiny vacuum to suck them up. 

Before I went under anesthesia, I asked the doctor what he liked best about this procedure. When he started to tell me again what he was going to do I stopped him. I asked again what his favorite part was: the vacuuming, drilling or lasering. He giggled a little bit and said that he enjoys the drilling, of course. 

I have had this procedure two other times and this is by far the worst my body has reacted to it. My kidney that was operated on would not come back online and eventually needed some interventions, which I won’t describe here. If you want to know, please ask me because it gets a little graphic. Though this procedure happened in early December, my body did not react very well to it, so I have been very slowly recovering and I’m almost better now.

Bites

Yes, I saw “Wicked: For Good,” and did think briefly about rating my mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving dinner in a redux of last year’s review, but I didn’t care about the second half of “Wicked,” other than being eternally grateful that Nessa Rose wasn’t magicked into walking after using a wheelchair through the whole movie (thank goddesses). And Marti’s food was exceptionally consistent in its goodness.

So instead, I am going to rate the hospital food at The Ohio State University’s hospital. Hospital food is interesting. There is often a cafeteria, such as the one at O’Bleness Hospital in Athens. 

When I was paying for two kids in daycare, I didn’t have enough money to go out to eat. About once a month, I would go to the hospital cafeteria and get a salad with the fish of the week. Somehow, the total bill came out to only $1.63 every time. I’m not sure if the cashier really liked me or if that’s how much it really cost. Then, I would skip out of work early and go to Jackie O’s taproom for hot cashews and a Mystic Mama at half price. That was my splurge day. I am finally at the point in my career, and the kids are not yet driving or in college, so I have disposable income. I have made it! I eat out once a week! 

Honestly, I don’t even know if O’Bleness still has cheap and good food, but I will say that Ohio State’s was pretty decent. It’s hard to mess up breakfast, but I particularly enjoyed the cheesy hash browns and chicken sausage links. I also had a really nice piece of salmon with rice, green beans and a brownie. 

If you don’t order anything (for instance if you have been asleep for almost 20 hours straight or dealing with pain), they bring you whatever the special is, which is pretty basic. They brought chicken and potatoes once, which wasn’t very good, and I probably slept through most of the rest of my meals.

One thing to note: You can also order as many side dishes as you would like. So you can feed the whole family for the low price of a $30,000 hospital stay! 

Since I often had visitors (thanks, partner, Mom and Dad) I would get some things for the room to share. My biggest order was about 10 sides, but I think you could go even higher than that. My dad ended up drinking all the Sprites.

Camera

The day before I went into the hospital, it was a snow day. I took the kids to the barcade Uptown, which they really enjoyed. While they were playing games, I got a call from my ex-wife. She let me know that her sister, Rebecca, had passed away. 

Rebecca and I had been close over the years. She was also a wheelchair-user, being born with cerebral palsy. Her parents have done an excellent job in taking care of her and helping her stay at home over her 36 years. I remember one time out at dinner she reached out and grabbed a straw, stuffing it in her mouth and swallowing it. She found that to be hilarious. She also liked me to sing, and I like anyone who likes my singing voice. She will be deeply missed. 

I write this as a sort of obituary in my own way. It is part of the Jewish tradition to intentionally remember our deceased loved ones and I want her memory to be a blessing for my kids as well.

We were planning to see the nearest installment of the “Knives Out” franchise, so our group went up the street to see it at the Athena Cinema. I held it together, as my ex wanted to be the one to share the news with the kids. One quick note: I cry from art a lot. I cry a little from every book I read and many movies, including in “Frozen 2,” when the snowman melted.

Once the movie started, I was able to finally start crying. Unfortunately, I started crying just as there was a five-minute long masturbation joke. My youngest, who was sitting next to me, asked me what they were talking about in the movie. I explained that it was sex stuff, which made her very confused.

Overall, “Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery” was well done and probably my favorite of the series. While the first two — especially the first — have a lot of flash, tongue-in-cheek knowingness and pizzazz, this one has the most substance. 

Directed by Rian Johnson, the film is set in the Catholic Church in a Southern parish with a charismatic priest. There is a murder, a possible resurrection, and more plot twists than you could shake a scalpel at. But there is soul in this film, whether you are a believer or not, and various types of resurrection, which we all need.

Daniel Craig is excellent as Benoit Blanc, the detective, as always. But in this film, he is restrained, stymied not by the clues but rather morality and faith. Fire up your Netflix, get under a blanket and enjoy. 

Oh, and while I was at the hospital, I watched “Runt,” a classic “Benji’ meets “Annie” meets “Best in Show” family movie about a small dog and a girl competing in agility races. It’s set in Australia and has my favorite premise of Australian films: all the characters looking like they just woke up. Give it a watch on your family movie night.

Fashion

Hospital gowns are such an interesting concept. I was in bed for about three days straight. My wheelchair was somewhere in a closet. I had plenty of tubes and wires running in and out of me. My hospital gown was barely on, to tell you the truth, bunched up somewhere around my chest. 

I’ve become deeply interested recently in when things were invented. The hospital gown was invented around 1910, as more people needed hospital care during World War I. There has been no significant change since their invention and there is no inventor credited on the sources who I could find. Obviously, a woman invented the concept and wasn’t paid for her work, but I have often appreciated having one. Thanks, and happy New Year!