Wellness Watch is a health information and advice column from OhioHealth.
ATHENS, Ohio — For those grieving the loss of a loved one, the holiday season can be particularly challenging.
Kelsey Funk, LISW, a bereavement counselor with OhioHealth, says intense emotions are common for those facing recent and not-so-recent loss, especially during this traditionally happy time.
When the holidays are hard
Funk says there is not an easy answer to feeling more holly or jolly when navigating the holiday season while in mourning, but she wants people to know they are not the only ones feeling this way.
“The holidays can feel heavier because they are generally spent with friends and family,” Funk said. “When we are grieving, the absence of our loved one will be very obvious and unavoidable.”
Funk explained that the grief-related feelings and symptoms that people experience during the holiday season are often the same as those they would feel at any other point during the year. However, they can become amplified underneath the glow of holiday lights.
These feelings include, but are not limited to:
- sadness
- anger
- yearning
- restlessness
- loneliness
- relief
- guilt
- anxiety
- burnout
- lack of motivation
- confusion
- changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- poor memory
“We live in a death- and grief-denying culture, so we often have unrealistic expectations for what grief looks and feels like,” Funk added.
Finding pockets of peace
If you are experiencing the additional stressor of grief during the holiday season, it can be hard to find time or motivation to do things that bring you joy. Funk wants to remind everyone how important those acts can be.
“Self-care can include big or small things, but anything that brings you comfort and helps you take care of yourself is important.”
Some self-care ideas from Funk include socializing (or conversely, spending time alone), watching TV, reading, meditating, praying, exercising, playing games and visiting the salon. Doing something that fills your cup is important, even if it feels like a chore at the time.
“Watching a movie or getting lunch with a friend might temporarily distract you—that’s a good thing,” said Funk. “It’s not productive or necessary to feel the pain of grief 24/7.”
Carrying loved ones into the season
It is often difficult to continue your annual traditions right after the passing of someone who used to be there celebrating with you. Funk says this is normal and not something to feel guilty about.
“It can be helpful to switch up some of your normal traditions; changing the location, changing the order of events, inviting new people,” suggested Funk. “Any changes that you make in your first holiday season of grief do not need to be permanent.”
When you feel prepared, you can return to your favorite traditions or continue celebrating with these new ones. Grief during this season looks different for everyone. Funk reminded us there are simple ways to include our loved ones no matter how the season may unfold.
“Some of these methods can be very public and involve sharing stories at the dinner table or making a toast, but they can also be more private like wearing your loved one’s watch or talking to them in your car on the way to a celebration.”
Creating boundaries and seeking support
Boundaries are always important, but especially during this emotionally charged time of year. Grieving can make it hard to keep up with the swirl of holiday activities and celebrations.
“I want to remind grievers that you are allowed to change your mind,” said Funk. “Just because you agreed to do something doesn’t mean you have to follow through. We cannot predict how we will feel on any given day or in any given situation until we are in it.”
While taking time for yourself and setting boundaries can be necessary, chronically isolating yourself is not ideal. Funk knows it can be hard to ask for help, especially during this time of year.
“If you have a best friend or close family member that you feel comfortable talking with leading up to an event, ask them to come along and be your safe person,” suggested Funk. “This person can check on you throughout an event, let others know if you need to leave early or be a shoulder to cry on in private.”
Heartache during this season can be very challenging, but it is normal to feel intense emotions. Honor your feelings, adjust traditions, set whatever boundaries you need and be patient with yourself as you navigate this holiday season.
